Nolan - 7/7/08 5:39 PM

7/7/08 5:39 PM

I am sitting alone out in front of our living space right now. My teammates were not ready to leave, and I guess I just needed some reflective time. I am trying to take as much of it as I can this summer, as I do not allow myself the luxury of time back in the states. I am 10,000 miles away from my family whom I desperately wish I could be with. I don’t hear much detail from people, only that there are more health issues with my sister. Besides the hormonal growing experience that is high school I have never been in geographical location to my sister. We do not really talk much over the phone either, and so our relationship is grown by succinct and sporadic catch up conversations. I desire more, as I know she does… I wish I could be around her more, be with her through hard times, and be a brother that she can go to when she needs something. I don’t think I have been that good of friend, resource, or overall companion to my sister. I regret many things and am out of answers. So much of it seems out of my hands and the rest seems lost in the sad stolen moments of life. I remember the first journal entry I ever wrote… It was in high school, I had just had a painfully intimate moment with my sister as we both broke down talking about her fears about her health, life, and future. The world seemed so out of whack, lost on an axis, painted in one color… something of such glaring magnitude that I was shocked the rest of the world had not launched a global campaign of reform. I had been dealt pocket rockets every year of my life, and would often hide the ace up a sleeve as well. She had been dealt nothing. Nothing.

Anyway…. People are starting to stare more and more at my laptop… I need to hide this thing and move to a more public area….